Suffering on the Inside
by Assassin's Grrrrl
Summary: (WARNING: TCEST! DONT LIKE DONT READ!) Don and Leo were lovers, but when Leo leaves for central America, he and Donnie get into a major fight. While Leo trains, Donnie's sent into a depression and slowly begins to change into someone else. A monster deep within begins to take control of the once gentle turtle. Will Donnie work with the darkness or ultimately be lost within himself?
1. The Fight That Changed Him

**WARNING: TCEST! DONT LIKE, DONT READ!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own turtles, if I did, there would be so much more Donatello :D 3 **

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His thick fingers typed furiously at the computer infront of him, his mind in several different places all at once. It had been almost two years since Leo left to train in central America. Since he left him. He had sent mail during the first eight months, never to Donnie, but he still sent mail to let them know that he was okay, and that was good enough for Donnie.

_"Why can't I come with you? You know just as much as I do that I need the training!" Donnie pleaded. _

_Donnie and Leo were in Leo's room, a large bag in the center, slowly filling with more equipment that would be needed for the long journey. The discussion had begun right after Leo had finally told the rest of the family of his plans. Donnie had been hurt that Leo had not confined in him of these plans. At the same tome his body filled with dread. He would have to live without his love for who knows how long. That's when the idea of accompanying Leo popped into his head. However, when he told Leo of his plan, when they were away from their brothers, Leo had immediately shot him down._

_"Because our brothers need you. They need your big brain to give them the answers they will desperately be seeking. They are going to need that level head of yours to keep them in check." Leo said, his eyes never meeting Donnie's as he continued to pack._

_"And they need a leader Leo! You cant possibly think that I can replace you! They need you Leo! I need you..." Donnie said, watching as Leo's movements slowed for a brief moment. It was brief, but still there._

The sound of something slamming brought Donnie's typing to a stop as he listened intently to the voices in the next room. Raph was finally home, and it seemed that mikey was lecturing him, again. Judging by the slight panic in Mikey's voice, Raph had injured himself yet again, summoning the serious side of his mate. Sometimes, it really hurt to watch them flirt and cuddle, but Donnie would never say anything.

He like seeing his brothers happy, and refused to let his own emotions ruin that.

_"They don't need a leader like me! I need to go Donnie, I have to. I'm doing this for the family! I have to do this!" Leo said with hints of irritation in his voice, but Donnie ignored it. _

_"I know you need to go! that's why instead of doing everything in my power to convince you to stay, I am going with you. You cant stop me Leo." Donnie said as he walked towards their closet, pulling out his own bag and began to fill it with his necessities. _

_"Donnie, no. You are not coming with me!" Leo snapped, grabbing Donnie's bag from him and emptying it again._

_"Why the shell not! And don't you tell me its because of our brothers! because you know just as much as I do that its a stupid excuse! Seriously Leo! why cant you be straight forward and just tell-" Donnie's angered rant was cut off._

_"Because I don't want you there! Do you know hoe annoying you are being right now! Shell, if I wanted you with me I would have invited you! now leave me the shell alone and be the stupid pacifist of the damn family!" Leo all but screamed at him, his words making every vein in Donnie's body freeze. _

His olive green hands gripped the desk in front of him as the all to familiar pain wracked trough his body, causing him to clench his teeth tightly together to avoid making any noise. Something inside him was desperately trying to crawl it way out, and Donnie knew exactly what it was. Once the pain had subsided, Donnie slowly moved to stand on his weak legs, pushing the exhaustion from his mind.

He hadn't slept more than a couple of hours at a time for at least a week, probably more. The nightmares that used to haunt him had returned not too long after Leo left, rendering sleep unimportant. He refused to revisit the horrid future that his mind decided to torture him with. Seeing his brother die over and over again because he wasn't strong enough to save them was not something he like to continuously relive.

Once his legs stopped shaking, he made his way towards that medical cot on the other side of the room, anticipating his brothers arrival. A small smirk graced his lips for a brief moment as his brothers entered the room. It seemed that no matter how much he had changed since Leo left, his brothers hadn't.

Sure, Mikey wasn't as happy go lucky and Raph was more of an ass, but other than that, their customs and personalities had changed very little. the exact opposite of Donnie. He had become more held back, less sociable and more emotionless. he refused to let his family see what he had become. To see the weakling that was hiding just beneath the skin.

Donnie let his smirk disappear as he reached for his medical kit and grabbed the necessary items for Raph's quick patch up. He could hear his hot headed brother mumble something about Donnie being a mind reader, and had to hold in his chuckle as Mikey laid his injured mate on the cot, sitting next to him as he pointed out the small gash on Raph's leg.

Donnie automatically went into doctor mode and began to wipe the alcohol drenched cloth over the wound a few time, earning a few curse words from the hot head. Mikey placed a hand on Raph's should and smiled at him warmly, trying to calm him down. Donnie was fully aware of the fowl mood his older brother was in, but he really didn't care. It was Raph's fault that he gotten injured once again.

"How many time must I be your doctor? You go out all the damn time claiming to be getting in your work out, yet you come home with new wounds. Do you not give a damn about how the rest of us feel when your out there doing who knows what." Donnie said numbly, not once taking his eyes off the wound he was stitching.

"Not give a shit? What 'bout ya, genius? Ya dun eva' leave ya damn experiments to do anything with yer damn family. Dun cha' call me selfish when ya are the only one being selfish." Raph snapped, earning a warning squeeze from Mikey.

"I am not calling you selfish. I am simply stating that every time you go out fro hours at a time that you are hurting Michelangelo. If it isn't plain as day what he's feeling to you, then you truly are selfish." Donnie said simply, brushing off Raph's last insult.

"Ya know what Don! Fuck ya and yer stupid brain! Dun cha' tell me how to act!" Raph growled angrily, the muscles in his legs tensing up as Donnie continued to wrap them tightly.

"I'm not telling you how to act. I'm simply stating that you should take into consideration how your mate feels and stop going to the surface. if Leo was here-"

"That's exactly it Don! Leo ain't here! and do ya know why his ass is still in central America?! Because ya and yer annoying personality scared him away! He left to get away from you!" Raph yelled, causing Don to momentarily pause, but he continued to wrap Raph up.

_"Wh-what?" Don asked, his eyes stinging with unshed tears._

_"You heard me! get the shell out! I don't want you around! I don't want to be with you! shell, I don't even want to look at you! go fuck yourself! I should have just stayed with Usagi! He was better in bed than you were anyway!" Leo screamed again, this time taking a step closer to Donnie, his eyes filled with malice and anger._

_"Wh-what? yo-you slept with Usagi?" Donnie basically whimpered, his emotions dangerously close to spilling over._

_"Oh fuck yes! he was ten times fucking better then you, so good I wish that I chose him instead of your ugly ass! He never tried to bore me with stupid crap about technology and science! the only time that he annoyed me was when he decided to make me choose between you two. said something about how it was wrong for me to fuck him when I was dating to you. all in all. he was just better for me! now get the hell out of my life!" Leo screamed as his stance become more aggressive. _

_Shock filled every part of Donnie's thin body as he closed his eyes, willing the tears away. His hands formed into to fists and his breathing became labored. Donnie shoved every bit of sadness, anger and depression into the box in the back of his mind._

_"Fine. if that's how you want it to be, then so be it. You can go on your stupid little trip, just don't expect me to crawl back into your arms like some pet when you return." Donnie growled. He turned on his heel and walked out of the room, refusing to let Leo see his pain._

_Leo left that night. He had said goodbye to everyone. everyone, except Donnie._

"Raph!" Mikey growled.

Donnie didn't say anything as he finished wrapping up Raph's legs and stood, holding in the wince from his stiff legs, and gathered his medical equipment. once everything was placed back into the organised drawers, Donnie turned and walked back to his computer, where he could be alone once again. No one in his family knew about Leo's betrayal, mainly because he never spoke about their fight.

"Don... I..." Raph started.

"It is fine Raphael. your wound will take a few days to heal, and I suggest that you stay off your feet as much as possible, to avoid further damage." Donnie said, his voice holding the same numbness that it usually held. Silence followed, but he could still feel their pity filled stares. The longer they stared, the more he tensed up, he hated it when others pitied, but it seemed to be happening more and more lately.

"Now, if you would please leave. I have some important things that need my attention. Unless you need something." Donnie said, refusing to turn and look at them as he typed at his computer once again. Another few seconds of awkward silence, and the couple stood, Mikey helping Raph walk out of the room.

Silence.

Donnie closed his eyes tightly, Raph's earlier words echoing through his mind. If only the hot head knew how much those words spoke the truth. His typing stopped as he stood up and crossed the room, grabbing a box that he kept hidden from his brothers. As he walked towards his desk, he made sure to lock the door.

Ever since the dreams began to haunt him, he had decided that if the future was truly unavoidable, that he would at least make something that could give his brothers the things that he took form them.

He set the box on the clear desk and opened it, setting the items within it along the desk. Two mechanical arms, Three mechanical eyes and one blue bandana. There was also a second blue bandana but he hadn't finished with the circuitry just yet.

The arms were for Mikey, just in case he truly did lose his arm. The eyes were for Raph, to give him back the eye that was stolen from him. and the blue bandana was for Leo. There were different bits of electronics throughout the thick fabric, made to stimulate the senses in the eyes. That would grant sight back to one who had lost it.

Many sleepless nights were spent working on them and he continued to make copies, just in case one was to get destroyed in battle. If he was going to be the one to take those things from his brothers, then he was also going to be the one to give them back.

After setting up all the equipment he needed, Donnie began to work on the second bandana. He couldn't remember how long he had spent working on the small project, but he did know that exhaustion was creeping in and causing him to make countless mistakes. Out of anger, Donnie shot his fisted hand out towards the wall next to him.

He didn't make a sound as his hand cracked and his knuckles split open, blood sliding down he wall. no pain was felt as let his hand remain there for a moment longer, letting the feeling of his blood seeping out him wash out the emotions he had kept bottled up for so long. He stood up and grabbed the bandages he kept close by, wrapping them over his hand multiple times before leaving his lab to get some coffee.

Judging by the sounds coming from the second floor, Mikey was trying to make Raph forget about the pain in his leg and go to sleep. The frown that was already on Donnie's face grew deeper as his thoughts wandered to Leo. How they had spent times like that together, trying to make the other forget about other things and go to sleep.

Most of the time it was Leo doing the convincing, since Donnie usually was in the middle of a project when Leo dragged him off to bed. The thought of going and sleeping while there was an experiment in is laboratory always made Donnie restless. Leo had made it his job to distract Donnie and make him sleep. Without that, now Donnie went night after night without any sleep.

He also forgot to eat on many different occasions. Even when Mikey deliberately brought food into his lab so he could eat, he would only eat a few bites during his experiments. Because of these things, he was getting thinner and more exhausted, however, the evidence of those things were easily hidden by the lab coat he continuously had buttoned up and the mask he wore over his eyes.

The smell of fresh coffee brought him back to reality as he looked down to see the coffee he had subconsciously brewed. After so many times of making coffee when he was exhausted, he learned how o do it without thinking about it. He poured the coffee into a large mug and made his way back to his lab. The sounds coming from the second floor had stopped, so Donnie assumed that his brothers were asleep.

Once in the comfort of his lab, Donnie began to work once again, drinking the coffee decently quickly so that he would wake up faster. He worked through the night, most of the nest day and his exhaustion, unaware of the person who was going to make an appearance later the next evening. The one person who kept him up at night.

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**So there you have it :P **

**a kind of depressing story :/ but I unfortunately like to torture my poor Donnie 3 **

**PLEASE FORGIVE ME!**

**and review :D **


	2. Arriving Home

**WARNING: TCEST! DONT LIKE, DONT READ!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own turtles, if I did, there would be so much more Donatello :D 3 **

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Donnie didn't know when he had fallen asleep, but he had. His eyes shot open as he sat upright, taking in the sight of the fuzzy world around him. He was relieved to find that he was in his lab, not the lair of the shredder. No blood caked the walls, chunks of the ground, walls and roof was not scattered everywhere and his experiments lied just beneath him. Proof that he had just fallen asleep.

He growled lightly as he began to put his things away. Normally, the dream would last longer, but this time, it ended just before he watched his brothers die once again. So what had awoken him? No matter how many times he had willed himself to wake up during one of those nightmares, he had never been able to wake up. that only meant that something externally awoken him. something wasn't right.

Once his little project was safely hidden in its box and tucked away in the corner of the room, he reached for his Bow staff and made his way to the lab's door. Donnie silently unlocked the door, but paused in opening it. He could hear voices through the door. Happy voices. They were laughing and he could even hear master splinter talking.

It had been such a long time since he had seen his father, he was just never out when his father was. But... there was also another voice, one that he had never thought he'd hear again. Slowly, he slid the door open a few inches and stared at the scene in front of him.

There was Leo, his one arm wrapped around an ecstatic Mikey who was clinging desperately to his oldest brother's plastron. Raph stood directly across from Leo, a small smile gracing his lips as he watched his mate and his only older brother. It wasn't long until Mikey had grabbed him and dragged him into a three way hug. Master splinter only watched with a large smile on his face.

Donnie could feel the tears stinging his eyes and the anger he had kept buried for so long burning in the pit of his stomach. His grip on the lab door tightened so much that he could feel the rough edge digging into the palm of his hand. However, he could not tear his eyes away from the family. his family.

"Donatello, why don't you come and greet your brother." Master splinter suddenly spoke, making every vein in Donnie's undernourished body freeze. All eyes turned to him, even the light grey pools of his past lover.

He could feel his anger rise even farther, but shoved it back down as he stood tall and met all of the eyes of his family, but stayed in place. Raph and Mikey detached themselves from Leo, but the blue branded turtle didn't seem to notice, his eyes were focused intently on Donnie.

"Welcome home Leonardo." That was it. That was all he said before turning around and walked into his lab once again, locking the door behind him. His hands were shaking as he paced back and forth in the room, his mind everywhere yet nowhere, all at once.

Out of anger, he ripped off the bandage on his hand and began to pound the rough brick wall in front of him furiously. He was not worried that the others would hear him, for he had sound proofed his room long ago. He continued to punch the wall, even as his own blood began to drench the wall, and start to make a small puddle on the floor.

Once he felt his anger subside, he wrapped his hands and began to work on some of his other projects, or anything else that would take his mind off the throbbing pain. Not in his hands, but in his heart.

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Leo's gaze remained on the lab door, the one that Donnie had just vanished into. He couldn't say that he wasn't expecting the anger that Donnie showed. In fact, he was fully aware that this would be how he reacted. However, what he didn't expect was the lifeless tone in his voice, the wonderful face of his ex mate showing no emotion.

He couldn't say that he had expected that. What had happened to the soft smile that usually graced his younger brother's lips, the always positive attitude. His eyes... Once a beautiful honey brown colour was now a numb coffee brown. This was not the Donnie he had fallen for all those years ago.

"Don't sweat it Leo. Don's always like that nowadays. He usually hides away in his lab and calls us all by our full names. It takes a while to get used to, but you will." Mikey said as he brought Leo's attention away from the door. Master splinter, Raph and Mikey lead him over to the couch, and sat down.

It was silent for a brief moment. That is, until Mikey decided that he didn't like the silence.

"Oh my god! I still cant believe your home! what was central America like? did you make some new friends? what did you do? did you find what you were looking for? What was the wea-" The youngest of the brothers was abruptly cut off with his mates hand around his mouth. Raph pulled Mikey backwards until he was up against his plastron before speaking.

"Calm down Mikey. The turtle just got back, do ya really need to rush him with questions?" Raph said as he kept his hand securely around Mikey's big mouth. Leo let a small smile grace his lips as he saw the defiance and frustration in Mikey's eyes.

"To answer a few of your questions; It was great, no I didn't make new friends, I trained, yes I found what I was looking for and the weather was very nice." Leo said with a smirk, watching as Mikey shot Raph a playful glare. Raph removed his hand from his mates mouth, only to replace it with his own lips.

Leo smiled warmly at the two as they shared a brief but passionate kiss. They reminded him of the times when Donnie and him used to sneak kisses every now and again around the lair. They would some times have competitions to see who could steal the most kisses throughout the day, the reward being that the winner could do whatever he pleased to the loser that night in bed.

He truly missed those days and wished that he could still have them now. All throughout his trip, Leo could not seem to get Donnie out of his mind. Not even in mediation would Donnie disappear. At first, he despised it, had not hated Donnie more than those moments. But as time went by, he realised that it was his conscious that was flooding his mind with Donnie's face.

Deep down, he knew hat what he had said to the genius two years ago was wrong and that he had really fucked up, but at the time, he did not care. That was why he had to leave for training, he was loosing himself to the dark part of his heart. Once he had finally become himself again, he had decided to return. and that's where he was now.

"Leeeeeeeeo?" Mikey's voice snapped his mind back to reality. Leo realised that he had been staring at the lab doors once again. He must have turned his head when he was deep in thought.

"What was that Mikey?" He asked sincerely, giving the youngster an apologetic look and a smile.

"Man, if your that concerned about the genius, just go talk to him. Besides, I don't know about you guys, but I'd seriously like to see the old Donnie come back. This one can be a bit of a cocky asshole sometimes, and that's Raph's job." Mikey said, giving his mate a playful wink. In retaliation, Raph pinched Mikey's tail, earning a 'Hey!' from the sea green turtle.

Leo smile again before glancing at the lab once again. Should he go in there? Would Donnie even accept his apology? Well, only one way to find out.

"I think I will talk to him, I'll talk to you guys more tomorrow." Leo said with a smile as he stood and made his way to the lab. He could hear his two brothers say something about needing luck before excusing themselves to their room. master splinter also retreated to his room. Its as if no one wants to be around Donnie. Weird.

Leo could remember back when he and Donnie first started as a couple, right after Mikey and Raph had admitted their relationship to the family. Donnie was the one everyone turned to because his caring nature wouldn't allow him to say no, and he was the most pleasant to be around. Leo would get extremely jealous when Donnie spent too much time with Raph, Mikey or Leatherhead.

But now... No one even wanted to be in the same room as him... Its just didn't sit well with Leo. Instead of just opening the door like he used to do, Leo knocked. He had lost his right to just walk into Donnie's space long ago. He just hoped that one day he could have everything he once had, back again.

He couldn't hear anything in the room, and at first he panicked. However, once he thought about it, he remembered that he had been the one to help Donnie set up the room so that it was soundproof. Back then, though, it was used to hide the moans and churrs that erupted from their lips as they played around in the lab.

Leo could hear the lock of the door slowly slide out, indicating that Donnie had locked the door when he left. As soon as the door opened, Leo could make out the shadowed silhouette of Donnie and the strong scent of blood. Fresh blood.

"Yes?" Came the bitter words from the purple branded turtle. Leo could feel the traces of anger in Donnie's aura, indicating that Leo's presence was hitting a nerve in the genius.

"Hey Donnie. I was wondering if we could talk. Its been two years over due." Leo said confidently. He remembered the days when Donnie loved hearing Leo with such confidence, how he had explained that it sent shivers down the genius' spine. Judging by the unchanging aura, Leo could guess that he lost his touch.

A small and barely audible sigh left Donnie's lips before he spoke. "Whatever." He basically growled, stepping away from the door and walking further into the lab. Leo gently push the door open farther as he walked into the room. Donnie had already taken a seat at his computer chair, but Leo's mind was occupied with something else.

On the wall on the opposite side of the room, two large trails of blood ran down the wall and collected in a small puddle at the base. Judging by the shine and colour, it was fresh. Leo's eyes travelled to Donnie, taking in the sight of his wrapped hands, a deep crimson staining the bandages.

"Are we going to talk? Or are you just going to stand there all night?" Donnie snapped, his attention split between Leo and something on his computer that Leo could not see. Shell, he probably wouldn't be able to figure out what it was even if he saw it.

Leo grabbed a spare chair and brought it up behind Donnie, sitting down next to the genius as he thought about what he needed to say. Even with the multiple weeks he had spent thinking over a plan to get Donnie to forgive him, when it came down to actually doing it, he couldn't even think straight.

Why was this so hard for him? He had made plans to attack multiple different places, for example, the foot clan's headquarters. he could do that, even though the tinniest of mistakes could get him and his family killed. Yet, he couldn't even talk to the one turtle who he knew better than the rest of his brothers.

Well, used to. He didn't know this Donnie very well. His Donnie was kind and caring. Soft and gentle. smart and flirty. This Donatello was rough and angry. smart yet cocky. emotionless and numb. this wasn't the turtle he once knew. But he could feel the Donnie he loved buried deep within this one, he just had to bring him back.

'Well' he thought 'Here goes nothing.'

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	3. Forgiveness

**WARNING: TCEST! DONT LIKE, DONT READ!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own turtles, if I did, there would be so much more Donatello :D 3 **

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Donnie could not even begin to explain the multitude of emotions that were flowing throughout his body. Ever since Leo had arrived, Donnie had been in an emotional turmoil, but now that the blue branded turtle was in the same room as him, he cant even think straight.

The genius had been dreaming and thinking of this day for so long, but he still couldn't keep his emotions in check. As much as Donnie wanted to just forgive Leo and go back to being the way they used to be, he knew he couldn't. With everything that had happened in the past two years, getting close to anyone was dangerous.

No matter how much Leo had pissed Donnie off, he would not subject his ex lover to the horrors of his new reality. He would not subject it to anyone in his family.

Leo still hadn't spoken, but Donnie could tell he was still trying to figure out what he was going to say. They hadn't spoken in two years, and Donnie had changed quite significantly in that time. It was pretty obvious that the blue branded turtle was unsure of how Donnie would react in certain situations or words, so he was taking his time.

But Donnie wanted to be alone, so the faster this went, the faster he could leave. He needed to let his other half blow off some steam or everyone would suffer his temper.

"Look Leonardo. What happened, happened. We can not change that, not now, not ever. There is no point in a huge apology idea you are no doubt trying to brew. I get that you feel guilty for what happened, but there is no need. live and forget. I have left it in the past. now it is time for you to do the same." Donnie said with the same numbness that always tainted his words.

Silence followed, but Donnie didn't mind. It just meant that he could concentrate better on the digitalized diagrams of the exo-suits he was planning to make and not the . If he could offer more protection when they fought the shredder in the future, then maybe he could save his brothers. It was a long shot, but he had to take that chance.

"You and I both know that you haven't 'left it in the past' Donnie." Leo's serious tone cut through the silence, making Donnie freeze.

"I have Leonardo. You have not been here for two years, so do not tell me that this new turtle is a result of your actions. I have left the past in the dust. I will admit that I still do have some resentment from what you said and did, but that will fade quickly, and I shall treat you with the same respect that I show our brothers." Donnie replied, his left hand grabbing some paper and a pen before he began to jot down some ideas for his machinery.

"Shell, Donnie! this 'new turtle' isn't you! you aren't like this but you and everyone else acts like its no big deal. People, or turtles in this case, don't just change. It takes something to convince them to change. The turtle you have become is because I was being a jackass and hurt you. for no reason." Leo said sadly, his voice dripping sorrow.

An all too familiar anger began to burn a hole in the pit of his stomach at his leaders words. No, not leader yet, just brother.

"Now you are just being self conceived. I changed to adapt to our new lives, not because my boyfriend broke up with me. Not because my boyfriend cheated on me with someone who I thought was my friend. Things like that happen very frequently, it is no big deal. I have become what was required of me." Donnie said once again, not bothering to hide the irritation in his voice this time.

"But you wouldn't have had to change if I hadn't left or If I had taken you with me, maybe things would be different." Leo said sadly.

"No. It would ended badly at some point. You had already been with Usagi, if I hadn't found out before you left, I might have found out while we were both in central america, with both of us trapped their. It would have been catastrophic. if not then, then sometime in the future, the longer it was hidden, the angrier I would have been for not knowing. This was unavoidable, whether you think so or not." Donnie growled, his work forgotten as he turned to look at the blue branded turtle.

His first mistake.

As soon as coffee brown met light grey, the world seemed to slow. Everything around him began to blur, including his surroundings, experiments and noises. All that mattered at that moment were the passionate grey pools staring back at him with such a level of compassion that his breath caught in his throat.

He could feel the remnants of who he used to be begin to claw at his mind. the old Donnie would have reached forward and caressed Leo's cheek, trying to provide comfort to the distraught turtle. That Donnie would have tried to kiss all of his worries away, try make everything better.

However, that Donnie was dead. he had to be. The new Donnie would do none of that. As much as his older brother was in a turmoil, he couldn't let himself care. Not only was it dangerous, but Donnie had also lied when he said that he left his past behind. He refused to let Leo worm his way back into his heart. Not ever again.

The smallest of movements brought his mind back to reality. Leo was slowly leaning closer, his lips moist and his eyes luring. At first, he thought about closing up the distance finally locking lips with the one who still plagues his dreams. But he didn't. No, instead he turned back to his computer, making sure to emphasize the spin of his chair to show his distaste.

A soft but agitated sigh from behind him let Donnie know that his blue branded brother had got the message. loud and clear. Something deep inside of him ached at denying his love for his older brother. There, he admitted it. He stilled loved Leo, but that didn't mean he was willing to let anything become of it.

"Donnie..." Leo said softly, his voice right next to Donnie's ear. The blue branded turtles breath tickled his neck and sent a shiver throughout his body, one that he work very hard to hide. However, Leo seemed to noticed it. Instead of pulling away, like Donnie had internally begged for, Leo just caressed the genius' arms with gentle touched as he leaned forward to kiss his neck.

That was the last straw. Donnie abruptly stood, turned around and shoved the blue branded turtle away with a hard glare set into place. His hands were in very tight fists at his sides as he tried to control his anger. Just because Leo deserved it at that point, doesn't mean that the purple branded turtle was going to give in.

"If you wouldn't mind, I'd like you to leave, Leonardo. I am about to go out to the junkyard anyway and would very much appreciate privacy at this moment in time." Donnie growled, his eyes never once leaving Leo's as he reached out and grabbed his duffle bag from one of the nearby desks.

No one moved or even made a noise for a few minutes. That is until Donnie took a step towards the door and his brother, his angry glare still in place. Leo got the hint pretty quickly and left the lab without a word. As Donnie left, he turned and locked the door, slipping the key to the lock into his lab coat.

"Oh, and Leonardo." Donnie called, getting his oldest brother, who was now setting up a teapot, to look up at him. "I would strongly suggest that you do not follow me. If you fail to let that seep through your thick skull, You will finally meet my true anger. And trust me when I say, you will not like it. Just ask your brothers."

With that, Donnie left. As he was walking he realized that he said "Your" instead of "We". His dark side had taken over for a brief moment before he walked out, and he was deffinately going to be questioned about it later. There was no doubt about that, although, he couldn't bring himself to care.

It felt like little bugs were crawling just beneath his skin as his muscles clenched and unclenched. Everything was beginning to hurt as a result of his anger. Donnie made his way through the sewers as quickly as he could, taking a few minor detours along the way in case a certain blue branded brother decided not to heed his warning.

The scent of rotting food and rusty metal hit Donnie's nose powerfully, making his head spin for a split second. No matter how many times he went up there, especially when he and is inner self was angry, he would never be able to avoid flinching at the initial stench. However, that flinch gave him a chance to take back control of his mind once again.

As he walked farther into the junkyard, he began to remove the duffle bag and his lab coat, revealing pale olive skin and a skinny, malnourished body. Out of his brothers, Donnie had always been the thinnest, but at this point, he just looked pathetic. And he knew it.

However, even if he wanted to become healthy looking again, it wouldn't do any good. Even while in the hideous state he was currently in, he was stilled strong and skilled. During the time that Leo had spent in Central America, Donnie had lead his brothers into a few fights with the foot, mostly during a patrol.

He was malnourished then as well, but he could still hold his own, shoving his grief in the back of his mind and fighting for his brothers. No matter how terribly he began to treat them, He would always care. No matter how many times he had lashed out at them, both emotionally and physically, he would always protect them.

No matter what, he would always love them. Even if the didn't return those feelings.

A growl left his lips as he felt the presence of another. At first, he assumed it was Leo, and was about to chew him out. However, the aura that flooded around him was not calm and remorseful like Leo's, but angry and desperate.

Karai.

It had been a long time since the defeat of the shredder, but that didn't mean that she still didn't want to tear them apart for what they had done. He straightened his posture to stare at the darkness in front of him while his hands occupied themselves with removing the bandages from around his hands.

He had not come out to fight, just to search for things while both parts of him calmed down and got fresh air. However, as he surfaced, he could feel that his other half wanted something more that just air. It wanted blood, and at this point, he was willing to let it have it.

"It seems that you've gotten even uglier since our last meeting, Donatello." Karai's angered voice rang from all around him, the walls of trash echoing her voice. His eyes snapped to the spot to his right, patiently awaiting her approach as he tossed the bandages atop his duffle bad and lab coat.

"Good to know that you have been eyeing me, Karai." he said back, traces of amusement in his voice. A small smirk graced his chapped lips as he stared at the faint silhouette in the darkness. He could feel the air becoming even more tense as other presences made themselves known.

His eyes shot in every direction as the smirk faded. There were at least twenty other foot ninja in the area, more than he could face alone. Too bad he wasn't alone.

Karai emerged from the shadows with a smirk of her own. "Tonight, the first part of my revenge will be complete. On this night, you will die." She growled as her smirk become a snarl.

"That's what you think." Donnie growled back, slowly submitting his mind to his other half, His dark side. The ninja emerged from the shadows, their weapons drawn and ready to attack the seemingly defenseless turtle. Just because he didn't have a weapon, does not mean that he didn't have a few tricks up his non-existent sleeves.

"Let's dance." Was Donnie's last word before an animalistic roar escaped his lips.

* * *

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	4. Who he became

Leo's eyes followed the slightly dirtied lab coat that left the lair, duffle bag pressed against a covered side. He thought about ordering Donnie to stay, forcing the genius to turn around and listen to him. The blue branded turtle even thought about ignoring the obvious threat and following his brother, but the sea green hand that gripped his forearm stopped his thoughts entirely. Instead, he just watched the turtle he loved leave the lair because of his presence. He caused this...

Leo felt the hand let go of him, and the sounds of feet heading towards the stairs but he did not removed his gaze from the closed entrance. He did not fight the emerald green arms that lead him up the stairs and into his own room, he just simply stared off into space. However, his eyes snapped to those of his brothers when the sound of his lock clicking shut reached his ears.

"I was pretty sure that would get his attention." Raph said as he moved to lean against the wall, his weight on his uninjured leg. Mikey, however, walked right up to him and lead him to the bed, taking a seat. Leo sat next to him as he looked at this brothers expectantly. They obviously wanted to talk about something, and he could guess what the something- no - who that someone was.

"Look Leo. Don ain't the same turtle he was when ya were wit' him. A lot if things happened in the time you've been gone, a lot of them baring down on 'im" Raph said gruffly, obviously uncomfortable talking about it. That was part of the reason that him and Mikey were together. While Raph couldn't converse very well, Mikey could do it almost expertly.

"Yeah, He didn't tell us anything, but it was pretty obvious that you two broke up. We don't know anything about it, but we know it happened. Anyway, after you left, he became a little more secluded, but not even close to as bad as he is now." Mikey said, his voice filled with emotion. "We still went on patrols in the beginning, but after a few terrible situations with the foot, Donnie called them off. He just couldn't handle it-"

"Which is why I should have been in charge! I could have lead dis team much better than dat-" Raph was cut off by an angered Mikey.

"Raph! Shut up! Just because he wasn't the best doesn't mean he didn't try! Or did you forget that he took a bullet for you!" Mikey growled, a glare directed at his mate. From the bags beneath Mikey's eyes and his rigid body stature, Leo could tell that he was tired and stressed, obviously trying to cope with his brothers. He also looked to be fed up with Raph.

Sometimes Leo wondered how Mikey could deal with the hot head.

"Whateva." Raph said as he glared at the floor, a small amount of guilt floating in his eyes.

Mikey cleared his throat before speaking. "Anyway, he couldn't keep taking us out with such a high possibility of us getting hurt. So, me and him got jobs while Raph just slept all day and left at night." Another glare towards the hot headed turtle. "Donnie works as an IT tech support guy while I work at birthday parties. I'm kind of like entertainment for the little brats, but now that your back I can finally quit and stop getting kicked and beat up. I think these kids are more vicious than shredder. Geez."

A small chuckle left Leo's lips as he thought about Mikey getting his butt kicked by a bunch of seven year olds. It was a pretty amusing mental image.

"anyway, the jobs helped us pay for food and medicines and stuff so that we wouldn't have to bother Casey and April as much.-" Mikey was cut off.

"But wait. You said that he wasn't as secluded as he is now. What happened that changed him?" Leo said, ignoring the slight glare sent at him for interrupting the jokester.

Mikey and Raph looked at each other, as if contemplating what they should say next. apparently, from the looks they were giving each other, Mikey just wanted to tell him, While Raph looked a bit skeptic.

"Well...Okay, this is kind of a long story... so I think I'm just going to tell you the gist of it..." Mikey said nervously.

Leo was about to Protest when Raph cut in;

"Trust me fearless, ya don't want the story with the gory details. Not even I like ta think 'bout dat night."

"But I do." Leo stated simply, looking his hot headed younger brother straight in the eye. A few moments of silence followed until a soft sigh from Mikey told Leo that he had just gotten his wish. His eyes locked on to Mikey's exhausted form, a small amount of pity shinning in his eyes before he quickly hid it. He knew how much his brothers hated to be pitied.

"Well... For the fist eight or so months after you left, things were fine. Sure, Donnie and Raph fought a lot more, and this boso became less enthusiastic in the bedroom" The jokesters eyes went to his mates at the playful jab, earning himself an amused huff from the hothead. "But other than that, things were fine."

" However, at the eleven month mark, Donnie started to miss more meals than usual and liked to stay in his lab all the time. Master Splinter still made us do morning training, but he was never focused and he let us kick his shell easily, no matter what lecture Sensei would give him. Afterwards, he'd immediately escape into his lab and lock the door."

"We haven't seen the braniac smile in a long ass time." Raph put in, gaining a small frown from Leo.

"Ya, he just wasn't Donnie. At about the fifteen month mark, we went out on patrol for the first time in a long time. He said yes because he knew we were restless and didn't want us to keep getting angrier with him. That was the night we truly lost Donnie..."Mikey stopped there, his voice holding guilt and pain for whatever happened.

Raph took a seat next to his mate and wrapped one arm around his shoulders, drawing the upset turtle into a tight embrace. Mikey buried his face in Raph's shoulder as the hothead kept repeating the same thing over and over again. 'it's okay. it's okay. it's okay.'

"NO IT'S NOT! WE COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING! I COULD HAVE BEEN FASTER! WE COULD HAVE SAVED HIM! But we didn't... We let him down..." The youngest of the four turtles cried, struggling in the tight grip his mate had him in.

"There was notin' we could do and ya know it Mikey... He gave us a chance, and I had ta take it..." Raph said gently, slowly rocking back and forth to calm down his mate. Leo just watched with wide eyes. It wasn't often Mikey shouted, let alone cry. And this wasn't a side of Raph you saw very often, if at all.

"We got ambushed by the foot...But they weren't alone, the purple dragons were there too...The damn bastards were playin' dirty! They used guns on us...When i was dealing with some foot, one of the purple dragons pointed a gun at me and pulled the damn trigger... Don took it instead, right in the shoulder... There were too many of the damn bastards...We couldn't win..."

"Mikey took a blow dart to the neck and was starting to pass out... We needed to leave, but they were everywhere... That's when Karai and Hun showed up...Donnie, being the quick thinker he is, tossed down a couple of smoke pellets...We grabbed Mikey an' ran... But they were catching up...By then, Mikey was unconscious and Donnie was telling me how to check his vital signs... I listened, not thinking about why he was telling me..." Raph took in a deep breath, he was speaking so fast that Leo almost had a hard time understanding him. Almost.

"We got to the nearest Manhole and removed the lid, i jumped down an' Don tossed Mikey to me, That's when i realised what he was planning...He had tossed a lot of pellets before we got down there, giving us the time we needed to escape, but it would have been really tight an' they might have found the lair... Instead, Don just dropped his duffle bag down an' told me to run an' not to look back...I couldn't say anything before he had already slid the cover back into place and took off. I could hear the ninja getting closer so i grabbed Don's duffle and hid me an' Mikey, waiting till i was sure they were gone before heading home." Raph stopped, slowly letting go of a calmed mikey, who had decided to pick up the story where it had been left off.

"He was gone for a little over two weeks. No matter how hard we looked, we couldn't find him...That is until one night... Me and Raphie were getting ready to go out again when the doors suddenly opened to Donnie, covered in both his blood and the blood of other's. He looked so tired...So lost... Me and Raphy helped him get cleaned up and then helped him to bed..."

"I...I dont think I have ever seen the braniac so numb and angry... It was like i was seeing a ghost of the real him..." Raph said with a shaky voice as he stared at the wall on the opposite side of the room.

"He never told us what happened to him...But from what I can remember of his wounds... it wasn't pleasant... He had a broken wrist, broken ankle, the skin on his right bicep was peeled off...they tore the skin from his body... he was covered in bruises...hand prints... he... he had been..." Mikey let out a small sigh, indicating that he couldn't finish that sentence, much to Leo's dismay. But he wouldn't push he young turtle. "After he was healed, he started wearing that lab coat and didn't really talk much... Master Splinter stopped making us go to morning training and all of the patrols stopped...I...Whatever they did to him...It broke him...Leaving behind the Turtle you just met..." Mikey finished, fresh tears in his eyes.

Leo let everything he had just been told sift through his mind, trying to grasp at the cause for his Love's condition. Donnie wasn't one for violence, and if he was covered in someone else's blood, that must have meant that he had killed someone, perhaps quiet viciously. That would cause guilt to well up in his too big heart and make him feel numb.

"But... What else happened? you were going to say something but you stopped. what was it?" Leo asked, wanting every detail he could get.

"Leo... I don't think-"

"THEY VIOLATED HIM! THE DAMN BASTARDS TOUCHED HIM WHERE THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE! IF HE WOULD JUST TELL ME WHO 'DA FUCK HURT HIM, I WOULD RIP THERE THROAT OUT! BUT EVERY DAMN TIME I TRY TO ASK, HE GETS ANGRY AND IGNORES ME! WHY CANT HE SEE THAT WE WANT TA HELP HIM!" Raph screamed in rage, surprising both of the other turtles. "He fuckin' changed...all 'cuz of what those assholes did ta him...And don't 'cha _dare_ say that ya didn't notice like I did... I know ya did..." Raph growled.

Tears burst from Mikey's eyes as he sobbed to himself, pressing his face into Raph's muscular neck desperately seeking some comfort. "I know... I know..." he sobbed over and over again.

So that was why Donnie pulled away so angrily when Leo got in to close... No, that wasn't entirely true...Judging by the emotions flooding through the genius' turtles eyes for a brief moment, he seemed to be haunted by a memory, pissed with the blue branded turtle, and deathly afraid of some else that Leo could not pin point. Leo was so engrossed in his own head that he didn't notice when Raph had picked up a tired Mikey and lead him to bed, giving Leo a quick 'Bye'.

He didn't know how long he remained in that position, but he couldn't seem to convince his body to move. It was like his mind was stick in a trance...Donnie... His Donnie... Was raped... Beaten, touched, tortured and raped... All for the sake of his family... And all Leo had done was betray him... He broke Donnie's heart, ripping it from his chest just like any enemy would do if given the chance...

Donnie was the caring and passionate turtle of the family... He would spend days on end with out food or sleep just to invent something to make his family's lives easier... Donnie was the one that always knew when something was wrong and could get you to spill everything without even trying... he was innocent... Even when he and Leo were in the sexual stage of their relationship, Donnie was always shy, nervous with his kisses until it was more heated... he would rarely make a first move for fear of being rejected...

Sure, as time went on, the little genius began to open up more and become more comfortable with those kinds of things... but he always had a hint of shyness with all of his actions... It was adorable... It was cute... It was Donnie...

But now that turtle was gone... replaced by something that the foot had created...

Anger flowed through everyone of the normally calm turtle's veins, making him clench his hands into tight fists. Tears stung his eyes...Tears for all of the ones Donnie has no doubt been bottling up for the past year... He needed to help his brother... His lover...

Leo needed to make everything right... He needed to fix the bond that he had torn apart in anger and stress so long ago...

But where to begin?...

Leo didn't know how... But he would right all of the wrong he had caused, and bring back the level-headed, compassionate, purple loving turtle... And he wouldn't give up...

No matter what...

* * *

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	5. The Monster Within

Everything hurt.

He could feel all of his stiff bones screaming in protest as he fought just to sit. It was like this every damn time he woke up after the beast had taken control, in pain and slightly confused. That is, until the memories would flash back through his mind like they were doing now.

He had fought Karai...No, the beast had fought Karai, and it had won. It tore her ninjas apart right before her eyes, taunting her with its evil smile. Great, now Karai knew his secret. She had finally figured out what the manipulations she had ordered on him had done.

He could remember the searing pain of the fluids they kept injecting into him, trying to bring out his inner demon to fight his brothers. They had tortured him, emotionally and physically, trying to tear his mind apart, leaving him wide open for control. No, he had fought hard against their trials. However, just because he never let himself break under their watchful eyes, did not mean that he was completely immune to what they were doing.

They had unknowingly resurrected the beast he and his brothers had concurred long ago while trying to make him tear his brothers to pieces, trying to rip apart his soul. Well, they got their wish. However, it didn't go entirely as they had planned, judging by the shocked and terrified look on Karai's face

Ignoring the consistent pounding in his head, Donatello opened his eyes, taking in the sight of one of the storage rooms hidden in the sewers. His duffel bag, lab coat, bandana, and his ninja gear were laying on the other side of the room, far enough away to protect them from any damage he could do.

"Wow, the beast actually thought about something before it acted... that's a first." He growled lowly, trying but failing to make his body stand.

_'No, that was your doing. you subconsciously took over before I could kill the wretched woman!" _The voice inside his head growled, making Donnie clutch his head in pain.

_'Stop trying to fight me. You know just as much as I do that you need me. Your weak. You couldn't protect your brothers in a fight, as it has been proven time and time again. Shell, I'm surprised your still standing with that weak frame. However, I must give you credit for being able to keep me locked away. Tonight was the first night in a month!' _

"Shut up! The only reason you got out was because i was too angry to give a shit. Be grateful, nights like these will not happen often, despite your invalid efforts. I will keep you locked away for as long as i can last before letting you out!" Don growled again, ignoring the pain in favour of crawling over to his equipment, slowly pulling it on.

_'That's what you think. I'm getting stronger and you know it. Just let me out, i promise not to hurt your brothers. Well, not the red and orange one anyways. The blue one is fair game since you clearly hate his presence near you.' _The stupid voice smugly said, causing more anger to flow through the brainy turtle.

"Fuck off." Donnie growled, stopping to inspect the scratch on his right shoulder. It seemed that the beast had been to careless to avoid injury yet again. Oh well, that just meant that it would take longer for it to inwardly heal and then take over again. If he could estimate the latest time, he would say two months. Maximum.

With great effort, Donnie blocked out the voice and shoved it back into its proper place in his brain. The monster had made its home there, since it was almost never being used and Don had just excepted it. The rage part of his mind classified the damn thing well enough that he didn't have to worry about it fucking with anything important.

He angrily slipped his lab coat over his shoulders, effectively hiding his slightly bruised and malnourished body from the world around him. Don slowly pushed himself to his unsteady feet, leaning against the wall heavily as he worked on making the world stop spinning. Once he was certain he could walk without stumbling and falling like a drunk person, he swung his duffel bag over his shoulder and made his way out of the small room.

Good, he wasn't too far from the lair. He was pretty exhausted from both the fights. Both the one in his head and the one he was forced into physically. Don held in a wince as his stiff legs protested the movements, his whole body sore from the constant strain of two minds in one ever changing body. He knew he was limping, but paid it no mind as he continued to walk, quickly coming up on the entrance to the lair.

He pulled down the lever and walked silently into his home, hoping that none of his family was awake at this moment. He REALLY didn't feel like a lecture tonight, whether it be a calm one that Mikey or Master Splinter would give him, The screaming match he'd have with Raph, or the emotionally draining talk with Leo. Don knew that he would be calmer now and a bit more reasonable since he had better control over his mind while the beast healed, but that didn't mean he wouldn't resort to anger and rage if he was backed up against a wall, whether that be theoretically or literally.

He slipped into his lab silently, carefully hanging up his duffel bag and making his way towards his bô. From now on, he was going to keep it with him wherever he went. It could help him fend off ninjas without relying on the horrid beast, and it could shoo away pesky brothers that he knew currently hid in the shadows of his lab. In one fluid motion, Donnie gripped his bô, spun on his heel, and threw it like a javelin.

His weapon hit the wall right next to his brothers face, startling the sneaky terrapin out of hiding with a small yelp. Mikey... Of course it would be Mikey that was waiting for him to get home... He had become the new Donnie...The one that he used to be before the stupid beast was introduced.

"Holy shell Don! Was that really necessary?" Mikey asked, one of his three fingered, sea green coloured hands clutching at his plastron as he breathed deeply.

"You were sneaking around my lab without any intention of showing yourself. Of course it was necessary. I have told you time and time again Michelangelo, do **not** sneak into my lair." Don growled, watching as his only younger brother winced at the use of his full name. Even after the amount of time it had been since he had started calling his brothers by their full names, Mikey had never gotten used to it, flinching every time.

"And throwing your bô at me was better than just saying that you knew i was here?" Mikey said again, his breathing more normal as he straightened his posture. Donnie could tell Mikey was prepared to lecture him.

"Yes. I warned you Michelangelo. That was your final one." Donnie growled again, internally wincing as he saw the hurt in his little brothers eyes. No matter how much Mikey could piss him off, Donnie would never strike his younger brother. The same, however, cannot be said about the beast, which is why Donatello could not afford to get close to his brothers anymore, he was only endangering them.

"Now, if you wouldn't mind. I am quite tired from my trip to the junkyard, so i think i will just sleep in here tonight. Goodnight Michelangelo." Don said again, the words slipping from his lips without a waver, covering up his lie. If he got sleep tonight, then the reason why he would be in one of the cots in his lab would be to stay as far away form Leo as possible. It didn't help that the blue branded turtle's room was right next to his own.

The two stood there and stared at each other for a few more minutes, before Mikey let out a defeated sigh and headed towards the Lab's entrance. A small smug smile graced Don's chapped lips as he turned to his computer, reaching forward to turn it on.

"You know, Don. I may not know what happened between you and Leo, but i know he feels sorry for it. Let it go Donnie. Please come back to us..." Mikey said suddenly, a pleading tone in his voice. His entire body froze at the words. Home? wasn't he always home? What was Mikey saying?

Then it hit him like a Tsunami. Mikey wanted him to revert back to the weakling he used to be. The one who couldn't kill, the one who couldn't protect his brothers, the one who couldn't please his Master because he wasn't good enough. Mikey wanted the talkative, geeky and calm side of him back. But no matter how much he wanted to tell Mikey that everything was going to be better, he knew it wasn't, That Donnie wasn't coming back.

"I cant." Was all Don said before he got to work on the schematics for the exo-suits he was working on earlier, trying to tune out everything, even his own racing thoughts. He heard his lab door quietly slide close, a small sniffle heard from the other side, followed by footsteps leading away. Tears stung his eyes as he clenched his fists tightly together, anger and depression slowly seeping through every one of his veins.

The sudden urge to see blood again swam in his thoughts, and he knew the beast within was making a weak attempt to make a second appearance. Don shoved all of those thoughts away, right into the already overflowing box labelled 'Stupid Emotions'. He knew the day that everything would spill over and he would finally break was slowly approaching, and he would try to push it as far back as he could. But it was gaining fast, especially after the appearance of his ex lover.

Though he would never dare admit it to anyone but himself, Don was still in love with Leo. No matter how long he had spent trying to get himself to loose all of those pesky feelings for his brother, and to stop hating Usagi for his interference, he simply could not do it. He would forever be in love with Leo, but his older brother wasn't even trying. And Donnie _hated _him for it.

A soft knock on his lab door dragged him from his thoughts, causing him to jump slightly. How long had he been standing there, staring at the pitch black computer screen?

"Don?" it was Raph... "Don, Mikey jus' came in cryin' but he wont tell me why." The hot headed brother said, slight anger hidden in the tone of his voice. Don knew that Raph was silently asking if he was the cause of it, and he knew that the answer would either piss of the red clad turtle, or make him uneasy. Since when had his brothers become so predictable? He could practically feel Leo's presence outside his lab door, waiting for Don to let Raph in. He would then attempt to slip in without Don's knowledge, silently assessing his actions from the shadows.

Don would be damned if he let anyone watch him like he was an experiment. _Never again._

"Can I come in?" Raph's partially muffled voice came through, making Don's eyes narrow. He walked up to his labs door, opening it up widely and took a few steps out as he stared at the partially shocked face of his brother. Normally, he would just call them in, not go to the door and walk out, so this seemed to have startled the usually angry turtle.

Before anyone could react, Donnie shot his hand out and grabbed Leo, who was trying to sneak into his lab by using the shadows of the lair and the dark lab. In one fluent motion, he threw Leo from the shadows and away from his labratory. Don glared venomously at his shell shocked brothers, a tiny, almost inaudible growl leaving his lips.

"No. Neither of you can. Do not take me for a fool. I have known you both all of our lives, and i know how you react to these kinds of situations." He snapped, his hands tightening into tight fists as he watched Leo slowly get to his feet. "Neither of you are invincible, nor are you any better than Michelangelo or I, contrary to popular belief."

All of his life, Don and Mikey had been treated like weaklings, as if they couldn't defend themselves in a fight. So, when Mikey had won the battle Nexus championship, even if he gloated about it way too much, the young prankster had gained some respect from his elder brothers, even if neither of them showed it. Don was proud that Mikey had finally told them off in his own way, no matter what he had shown on the outside.

However, Don never got an opportunity to prove that he could defend himself... No... Instead he was sent to an alternate dimensional future that left him in an emotional wreak for months to follow, obtained a nasty gash on his leg because of his carelessness, turned into a giant beast that almost killed his brothers, and got his shell handed to him on a daily basis. He even got captured while out on a stupid rooftop run, which is what started this whole thing in the first damn place.

He knew that he deserved their treatment, but that didn't make it any easier to bear when his brothers treated him like a sick toddler. No... Instead it just made him angry, slowly building up until he snapped and it contributed to the turtle he was today.

"Don... We never said that-" Leo started.

"Maybe not verbally, but your actions say it for your mouth." He growled, slowly walking backwards into his lab and away from them. "I don't give a damn if your older than us or not, we are not children. So don't treat us as such." He finished turning around to head inside of his lab.

"Don, wait." He heard Leo say before a strong grip went down on his right shoulder. Instead of a surge of anger like Don expected to form in the pit of his stomach, Pain shot through his arm, making him jerk away from his brothers touch with a small gasp of pain. Don had forgotten about that stupid injury, the result of the stupid beast's irrational actions.

"Don? Are ya okay?" Raph asked, taking a step closer to them.

"Fine." He growled, shooting them both deadly glares as he straightened his stance.

"No your not. One, your limping. Two, your hands are badly bandaged from earlier. And three, you just reacted badly to-" Donnie cut Leo off. Again. He could see the slight irritation in both of their eyes, but he also couldn't find it in him to give a fuck.

"I now what the symptoms are!" He snapped, startling both of his brothers. "I said I am fine! Now leave. It. Be." Venom dripped from his words his glare had become even more deadly (if that was even possible), continuing to make his way back into his laboratory. "Now fuck off. I want to be alone." With that, he closed the door and locked it, staying close until he heard BOTH sets of feet leave.

_can i kill them now? _the voice rang though his head, causing pain to corrupt his already trembling frame.

"No... Just leave me the fuck alone..." Don said, his voice more a plea than a demand.

_Oh Donatello, you know i cant do that. I'm the monster that you have hidden inside yourself since you were little, the recent events with Bishop and Karai just bringing out the true you. Stop calling me 'the beast', for I am you. Deep down, you know that you are fully to blame for what will happen to your brothers. You'll be the one to mercilessly tear our family apart piece by piece. All because of the anger that-_

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" Donnie screamed clutching his head tightly as he sank to his knees, rocking his body back and forth while curling into himself. He knew the beast was speaking the truth, but that didn't make it any easier to hear.

_And why would I do that? The way I see it, the faster you realise that you cant be rid of me, the faster you will give in to our desires. _It said with a smug tone, as if it was enjoying his suffering.

"NO! LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE! ME! ALONE!" He kept screaming, willing the beast to fall back to the rightful place in his head. The maniacal laughter slowly began to fade as the stupid monster left him to his thoughts.

Was he really that bad? Was he really the evil maniac that the beast made him out to be? Could he be the reason that Mikey lost his arm? Was he the one to carve Raph's eye out during a rage? The one that blinded Leo for the rest of his life because he couldn't control the anger he felt towards his ex lover? Could he really be the only reason that his family all died?...

So there he remained, laying on the stone cold floor of his lab while he watched his brothers all die right before him like he had several times... But this time it was different... This time, instead of the Karai bots, Donnie himself ripped Mikey's arm from his body. He was the one to mercilessly slice at every section of available skin till his brother lay motionless beneath him.

Donnie was the one to pin Raph beneath the beast's- No... His larger frame, and slowly rip the eye out of the hothead. He trembled as his brothers pain filled screams pierced his skull, before it was silenced in one calculated swipe to his older brother's chest.

He was they one to slash horizontally across his Leo's face, tearing one of the five sense from the love of his life. By far, Leo's scream was the worst to hear, making him cringe as the tears that he had hidden away for so long slid down his cheeks. He was the one to stab Leo in the back, not Karai. Donnie watched as his loves body slowly feel to the ground at his feet, motionless and quiet... Too quiet...

That was how Donatello fell into a restless sleep, curled up on the floor, and tears streaming down his cheeks...

* * *

**So? **

**How was that? **

**A little depressing, i know, but hey! its supposed to be a sad story :P **

**anywhore, i hoped you liked it and please review! :D **


	6. Scars

A loud knock against his lab door is what woke him up from his nightmares, his mumbled words or terror coming to a sudden stop. His body shot straight up, causing all of his bones to give screams of protests from the position he had been sleeping in. Laying on your side, curled up into fetal position while slowly rocking back and forth doesn't exactly do wonders for the body.

"Don? Are you okay in there?" Leo's voice came through the doors, startling the already disoriented turtle. His head snapped to the doors, a dark glare forming even though he knew the victim couldn't see it. "Umm, well, anyway. Its time to start early morning training. I know its short notice, but i woke up early and Master Splinter suggested it."

Great... Now he would have to fight his brothers and get back into training again. With the beast still within him, he couldn't afford to fight his brothers physically, for fear that the stupid monster would hurt them. It only took one second. One second that his mind wasn't fully there, and he could seriously hurt his family. Don didn't care if he suffered, so long as the rest of his family didn't take the hit head on, then he was fine.

But still, he couldn't ignore his Master's wishes. He had a code of honor to keep, and no matter how hard life would get on him, he would never result in breaking that code. He would not stoop down to his enemies' standards. If he were to destroy his honor, then he might as well just join the foot.

"Don?" Leo's voice came through the door again, causing Donnie to flinch out of his trance. He carefully stood, gripping a nearby desk to make sure he wouldn't fall before retrieving his bô and opening the lab door. The first thing he noticed when he walked out was the unmistakable scent of coffee. Don felt his mouth water slightly at the delicious and intoxicating aroma.

He then noticed Leo standing in front of him, a small smirk hidden in his eyes. Leo must have prepared the coffee, remembering how the genius was in love with the hot beverage. However, the small smirk in his ex lovers eyes disappeared as they took in Don's appearance. Donnie was pretty sure that he didn't exactly look good. A full night of terror filled dreams and tears doesn't tend to leave someone looking like a super model.

Before Leo could say anything, Donnie spoke up. "Just let me have a cup or two of coffee and then I will be ready to train. I would highly recommend that you wake up Raphael and Michelangelo, they tend to take a little bit to-" He was cut off by the cheerful laughter of his only younger brother as he came out of the kitchen, escaping a pair of flour covered hands.

Raph was chasing Mikey out of the kitchen, both angrily and playfully swatting at Mikey's retreating ass. His hot headed brother was also covered in flour, and judging by how spread out it was on his body, and how Mikey had flour on his hands, Don could guess what had happened. Mikey probably got a handful of flour and flicked it at his mate, causing the little training warm up.

Don stood in place, watching their little moment with unseeing eyes. How long had it been since Mikey had laughed like that? Donnie realised that the only emotions he had seen out of his only younger brother lately was anger, sadness, fear, and worry. Nothing else. Whenever Don started to pull away from everyone, Mikey had lost most of his playful attitude, and Donnie could guess that Leo was the reason that it miraculously reappeared.

"Donatello." Don held in a flinch as his full name left his father's lips. turning his slightly pale olive green head to look at his father, Don took in the sight of the aging sensei. His father had also been part of the reason he had been stressing lately, The rat's old age slowly creeping in and taking away his once powerful edge in battle. Now, his father just seemed frail and Don hated it. "We are preparing to train. Come." His sensei said, gesturing to the training room his brothers were already occupying. How long had he been standing there?

Cup or two of coffee forgotten, Don followed his master into the dojo, avoiding the questioning looks of his brethren as he stood next to them.

"Uhhh, Donnie? Are you gonna wear you lab coat through training?" Mikey's still somewhat cheery voice broke through the slightly awkward silence. Every vein in his blood turned to ice at the question. He did not want his family to see what was beneath the coat, not entirely because of his malnourished state, but because of two particularly nasty scars he had hidden from his brothers and father the day he had finally escaped Karai's clutches. That was something he knew would piss them off to the extreme, but for him, it defined who he really was, even if they didn't see it. And he hoped they never would.

"Yes." He said simply, keeping his eyes on the wall just above his sensei's head, avoiding all eye contact they were trying to make with him.

"But why?" Raph asked, confusion tinting his voice.

"Why does it matter, Raphael? It shall not effect my training so i see no problem with it." He stated, his eyes shifting to look into his brothers with a warning glare, silently challenging him to continue, to see what would happen if he did.

"Donatello. It is not the way of the ninja to wear such things as he trains." His Master soft voice said, causing Donnie to flinch. Was his father really getting old enough for it to effect his voice?

"With all do respect, Master. But what a ninja was to wear during his training was never defined, as it has changed many times throughout history."

"Perhaps. But in this family, we will follow my Sensei's code."

"Again, with all do respect father, but Master Yoshi was not a mutated turtle." He could feel the cold glare his brothers were giving him for arguing with their father, and he could also feel Leo's shock. Their leader hadn't been there for the multiple heated arguments Don and Master Splinter had been through, so seeing this minor one would definitely be a bit shocking.

"That is true Donatello. However, i would very much advise that you remove it."

"The lab coat does not-"

"JUS' TAKE THE DAMN COAT OFF!" Raph growled, startling everyone.

Donnie turned his body to face his slightly enraged brother, his glare meeting his. They stood there for a bit, each staring each other down, but Donnie could see that Raph was starting to back down. He knew his glare was almost deadly as he had perfected it during the time of his capture, making many of the ninja that went near him cower away. It was now just a defence mechanism.

Why was he even bothering? If they wanted to see what he had become beneath the lab coat, then so be it. However, if they tried to 'help' him, then there was going to be many fights, for he was not weak and could take care of himself, despite what anyone else believed.

"Fine." He growled. If they wanted to see what he had become, then so be it, they could live with the damn consequences.

He felt their eyes follow him as he stomped across the room, setting his bô against the wall as he began to undo his lab coat. The more the buttons came undone, the more unnaturally pale olive skin was shown, along with the scarred body beneath. As he shifted his shoulders to shrug off the rest of the coat, he was suddenly reminded of the wound on his shoulder. He was sure to be questioned about that.

His shell was to them, so they couldn't see what he looked like. Yet. With one deep breath he turned around and began to walk back to stand in the group, trying desperately to ignore the shocked and horrified look in their eyes as he walked. there was no going back now...

* * *

Time seemed to slow as Leo watched his brother walk over to them. When Raph and Mikey had said that Donnie had been tortured, they never explained what exactly was done to him. Not fully anyway. However, by their horrified faces, similar to his own, he could guess that they never saw just how bad Donnie's body became after that experience. Pity filled him, and he didn't even try to hide it this time, for he knew that there was no way he could.

Not only was Donnie an unhealthily pale shade of olive green, but he was also extremely thin, the only thing seemingly keeping his bones connected was the surprisingly decent sized muscles. How could his love even keep up his muscles when there was nothing to work as energy? Besides coffee, and that wasn't something that they could drink to maintain muscles. something wasn't right.

As Donnie shifted his arm, Leo caught the pure white bandage hastily wrapped around his shoulders and hands, covering up whatever lay hidden beneath. Leo already knew what Donnie had done to his hands, but the shoulder was knew, and he couldn't help but wonder if it had happened during Don's little trip to the junkyard. Guilt wracked his system, but he shoved it away as something ten times more horrific became noticeable.

Right on both of his biceps, were seven letters, seemingly _burned_ into his arms. It left two unmistakeable scars, ones that would probably never go away. That one word, easily read on both of the olive green arms, it was enough to make Leo see red as he though of his little brother. There was no way Don was what they had marked him as. No matter how angry he could get or how much he changed, Donnie would never be a _Monster._

Leo could see his brothers fists tighten considerably, he was obviously uncomfortable with the attention they were giving him, but Leo couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from the once flawless olive skin of his lover. Why did this have to happen to Donnie? As much as he didn't wish it for any of his brothers, Leo just could grasp the fact that his innocent, pacifist brother had been the one to go through that kind of pain. Having something burned into your arm had to be one of the most painful versions of physical pain. So why did it have to be Don? If Leo had taken Donnie with him, would he have saved his mate from all of the suffering?

"May we start the training?" Don's slightly aggravated voice cut through the silence, snapping Leo out of his trance as he looked up at his father. He could clearly see the concern in his father's eyes, but he could also see some sort of understanding, as if had just realised something that no one else apparently did. What could be so hard to understand about the fact that Don's body was scarred with one word that use to plague the genius' nightmares.

Leo could remember when Donnie would jerk awake at night, his breathing heavy as he basically launched himself at the other side of the room, as far away from Leo as he could get while still being able to see him. His olive green hands would roam his own body, confirming that he wasn't the monster that Bishop had turned him into with the outbreak virus. To have that one word that haunted you all but carved into your arm, for everyone to see everyday, including yourself, must have been the worst mental torture possible. It was breaking the limit.

"Yes my son. Todays session will be brief, for i only want to see how each of you fights after al of this time. So, i shall pair you off with one of your brothers and then proceed to evaluate your skills so i can better train you all tomorrow." Master Splinter said, his eyes leaving Donnie and meeting everyone's individually. "Leonardo and Michelangelo, you two shall be first to spar. Raphael and Donatello, you shall follow." Their master finished, walking over to the side of the dojo, preparing to watch the predictably quick sparring session.

"Awwwwww... I gotta be the one to fight the only one of us who has actually been training the past two years... I'm so gonna get my shell handed to me..." Mikey grumbled as he made his way to the center of the dojo.

As Leo followed Mikey, the slightly rough shove he received to his shoulder immediately sent a warning through his system. In one rough touch, Raph had silently told Leo to take it easy on Mikey and not to hurt him. Before his hot headed brother moved away completely, Leo returned to gesture. By the over all appearance of Donnie, he looked like he could easily break in one strong hit. He didn't want his love to become more broken than he already was.

Donnie and Raph knelt down on the sidelines, Raph intently watching the sparring match as Donnie seemed to be lost in a daze, his eyes glazed over slightly. They were also a darker shade of brown, Leo noticed. He didn't have time to contemplate why that was before his father's voice sent him into action.

"Begin!"

* * *

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	7. Why Wont It End?

_'Oooh, looks like i might get some extra action after all.' _the beasts voice rang through his head, making him cringe lightly as he made his way to the sidelines of the dojo. Thank god Master Splinter had chosen Leo to fight Mikey instead of him, Don would just have to be a little more careful with Raph because of his leg wound. Donnie really didn't need Mikey bitching him out for hurting his mate.

_'Why not rough him up a bit? He's a big boy, he can handle it. Besides, he isn't that badly wounded. How bout you let me fight him, i promise i wont hurt him... much.' _Its maniacal laugh filled his mind, sending a pain of anger stewing in the pit of his stomach. There was not way he was letting that thing near his brothers. No way in shell.

Don could not respond to the creatures torment, for he was around his family. He had tried a few times to talk with the beast in his head, so that it would be easier keeping those conversations secret, but every time he tried, he ended up falling into a half meditation stage. It felt like his soul was connecting to the beasts, turning them into one. A few times it had almost succeeded, but Don remembered what was happening and who he was connecting to just in time to break away from the pull of the monster.

_'Come on... Your not the only one he has been pissing off lately.' _The beast reasoned, purposefully sending a jolt of pain throughout Don's body, trying to coax him into letting go. In anger, Donnie dug his nails into the skin on his thighs, focusing hard on severing the link the monster was trying so hard to maintain.

_'Hey look... Blues pretty good.' _Donnie snapped back into reality as he focused on the scene in front of him. Mikey was spinning his nun chucks expertly in his hands while Leo stood tall, both katana held defensively at his sides. He could not say that his ex mate didn't look absolutely... No, never again...

_'He looks good enough to eat to me.' _Don's breath hitched slightly at the thought of his oldest brother being torn to shreds because the beast. His body slowly being devoured right in front of the remaining brothers eyes. Donnie just managed to fight back the bile that rose in his throat, ridding his mind of the gory pictures. The stupid beast just didn't know when to quit.

Suddenly, Mikey charged forward, a small battle cry leaving his lips. As he got closer, Leo slightly shifted his stance, going completely undetected by their youngest brother. Don didn't know if it was the monster enhancing his perception, or if it was just Mikey that didn't notice it. Judging by how Raph stiffened slightly, Don was going to take a safe bet and say that it was just Mikey.

Just as Mikey brought his nun chucks down with enough force to shatter bones, Leo sidestepped him, angling his foot slightly which caused Mikey to land straight on his face. He wasn't down for very long, shooting straight up to bring his 'nun chuck fury' down upon their fearless leader. However, Leo seemed to be unaffected by any of Mikey's attacks as he simply just danced around him at speeds that they were unused too. Even Don had a somewhat hard time following his moves precisely.

In a final attempt to win the match, Mikey through one pair of nun chucks at Leo, planning on disorienting the leader while he moved in for the finishing move. However, what the orange clad turtle hadn't been counting on was how Leo surged forward, batting the nun chuck away before driving the butt of his sword into Mikey's gut, successfully bringing the younger to his knees.

"No more! I yield!... *pant* Holy shell Leo..." Mikey clutched his plastron tightly, remaining on his knees as the pain slowly subsided. The hit wasn't hard enough to cause lasting pain, the velocity of the strike wasn't high enough, however, it would hurt a bit for the moment. Raph got to his feet and helped Mikey to his, before leading the embarrassed turtle to the side mats.

As Mikey sat down, Don stood, making his way to the middle of the dojo... Where he would spar against one of his brothers for the first time since the attack. He could tell that his hands were shaking slightly, not too noticeably, but if you watched closely then you could see it.

Leo was already sitting next to Mikey as Raph made his way to the matts, a slight smirk on his face. Don could tell that Raph had already assumed he would win. Donnie also knew that there was no way Raph wasn't going to take it easy on him. They all believed, because of what he had been through and the state of his body, that Don was going to be weaker then usual. That he couldn't defend himself...

Guess now was his time to prove them all wrong. Once and for all...

His coffee coloured eyes narrowed on his hot headed brother's form while he shifted his stance into a defensive, bô gripped tightly between olive hands. Raph seemed to study Don's stance for a moment before shifting into his own, his a little more aggressive and offensive then the purple branded turtle's. Their eyes locked, Don sending a hard glare while Raph seemed to be calm, further aggravating both Don, and the beast within.

"Begin!" Their father's words rang out through the silence, but no one made a moved.

After what seemed like hours of staring, Raph finally lunged forward, his sais clutched tightly in his hands as he attacked the smaller turtle. Don could tell by the way Raph's muscles still seemed relaxed and the form he was, that his older brother was using an eighth of his true strength. As the red branded turtle got closer, Don refused to move a muscle, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

Finally, Just when it seemed that Raph was about to pull his punch, Don shifted his body to the right, dodging the weak punch with ease while also bring his bô down, tripping Raph in one fluid motion. He wasn't going attack his brother, only aggravate him to the point where Raph would actually fight. If they were going to spar to show their father what they could do, then he refused to be treated as a child.

No mere child could deal with what he had to...

Once Raph had recovered from the counter, he was back to offensively attacking the normally passive, purple loving turtle. Punch after punch, kick after kick, jab after jab, Don dodged them all, purposefully aggravating his brother by keeping a calm expression, a slight smirk gracing his chapped lips. He could see that the red branded turtle was becoming a little fatigued, as his moves and reflexes were getting a little slower.

But Don knew how fast that changed when he got truly angry, and he was well on his way to that point.

With a growl, Raph lunged forward, his sais pointed directly at the purple branded turtles chest. Don countered by lifting his bô and locking it with both of Raph's sais, keeping them close as they glared at each other. When Raph tried to pry his sais from their prone position, Donnie simply shifted his grip, keeping them in place as his smirk grew.

What Don didn't expect was Raph to snap so soon. The hot headed brother let a snarl before punching Don in the shoulder, the injured shoulder. A surge of pain shot through his arm and his grip on his bô loosened. Raph tore his sais from Don and then kicked the slightly stunned turtle straight in the Plastron, sending Donnie backwards into the wall.

Time seemed to slow as Raph realised what he had done. However, before he or anyone else could make a move to help the genius, Don stood, rolling his shoulder to ease away some of the pain while an angry spark threatened to ignite within him. Even though he knew that continuing this match would most likely lead to something worse, he couldn't bring himself to care.

Don had a point to prove, and he wasn't stopping till it was made clear...

Tilting his head to either side, he was satisfied to hear a slight crack, the muscles in his neck loosening slightly. Don returned to the middle of the dojo, taking a more offensive stance while everyone around him got over their shock. He could feel blood beginning to soak the bandages on his knuckles, but when he looked at his shoulder, there was nothing. It must have already healed, since it wasn't that bad to begin with.

Returning his attention to the match, Don watched Raph get into a defensive stance as his golden eyes roamed over Don's body, a remorseful glint in them. That only caused the spark within Donnie to grow slightly. what must he do to prove that he wasn't a weakling?

With a growl of his own, Don charged forward, his bô twirling in his right hand while his left hand was defensively positioned in front if his chest. Normally, Don stuck with being defensive, it was just the better choice when your weapon was made for that kind of fighting style. The bô staff was made to keep the wielder's enemies at bay so they would obtain minimal damage. It want an offensive weapon, but that didn't mean it couldn't be used as such.

Raph also lunged forward, aiming to trip Don and stop the attack dead in its tracks, however Donnie was expecting that. As Raph shifted his body lower, Don brought his bô down and stuck the emerald green turtle straight in the Plastron, knocking him back on his carapace. Before the stronger turtle could move to sit up, on straddle his Plastron, pinning the more muscular arms to the ground.

As Raph struggled to be free, Don found himself staring into the older turtles eyes, his own cruel mind, or maybe the beasts, giving Raph an older appearance and a missing eye. This time however, there were no stitches to keep the red bandana closed. No, instead there was just a bloody, gaping hole staring back up at him, the various other scars making everything seem more horrid.

Closing his eyes, Don held back the tears that threatened to break through as he awaited his father to call the match. He could tell he was using too much strength to keep his brother pinned, which would cause suspicion later, but he couldn't bring himself to care... He just needed to get away.

_'You know you want to kill him... To tear the flesh from his bones... After everything that he put you through in the last two years... Let me tear him apart... Let me take away what hurts you... Let me protect you...'_ Thee beasts surprisingly soft voice echoed through his mind. It wasn't very often that the monster within him would show its caring side, but Don knew it existed.

Only when it was tired would it become more gentile... But that wouldn't last long...

_'I WILL PROTECT YOU!'_

Don was so relieved when his father called the match that he dropped his walls, unaware of his actions until it was too late... Just before he removed himself from Raph's plastron, all of his muscles cramped up and white hot, searing pain shot through his body. A pained gasp left his lips before he lost some of the control of his own body. His grip on Raph's wrists became stronger while he increased the pressure on the emerald turtle's plastron.

Don could feel Leo and Mikey's hands on him, trying to pry him from their hot headed brother while his father knelt in front of him, trying to convince him to release his brother. Too bad none of those words reached him.

His mind was foggy and he almost gave up to the beasts power. That was before he saw the pained expression on Raph's face, felt the desperation of his family. Moments from his time in the future flashed before his eyes, fiving him the power and the will to fight back. He was not going to hurt them like that... Never again...

With a growl, Don hauled himself up and away from every one of his family members, the pain still present within his body... The beast was right... It was getting stronger and its recovery basically required no time at all...

He collapsed to his knees as he felt something move around beneath his skin... It was breaking through... No... This couldn't be happening...

In a last attempt to prevent the creature from escaping, Don barely audibly whispered:

"They'll cure you."

With that, the beast ceased its assault, his body relaxing as he breathed deeply, unaware that he had been holding his breath thought the experience. There was no way his family heard him, not even his Father, it was just too quiet...

He could feel their eyes on him... Hear one of them getting closer... He couldn't go through the questioning right now, not right after something like that...

Before any of them could say anything, Don shoved away all of the soreness in his body and stood, making his way to the other side of the dojo. He could feel the words on his arms pulsating, reminding him of what he was... What he would always be... With a small growl, Don quickly put on the lab coat, hiding his body from the rest of the world...

As he turned to leave the room, Don caught sight of the hand sized bruises that were already forming on Raph's wrists... a small amount of blood where his nails had mercilessly pierced the emerald green skin... He had done that... How many times had he promised himself that he would never hurt his brothers... That he would protect them with every part of his being... He had failed...

He was a failure...

Don tore his eyes from his family and made his way to the dojo doors... He needed to be alone...

"Don..." He heard Leo say, causing him to hesitate slightly...

"I'm sorry... I just... I need to be alone..." He said brokenly before leaving... He didn't want to hear anything else...

The lab door locked behind him as he stepped into the room, every muscle in his body tense. He needed to get his mind off of everything... He needed a distraction... Something to take away the pain... A glint caught his eye and he was stunned to find himself staring longingly at one of the many scalpels littering his lab...

One slice... Once calculated cut to a major artery, and everything could be over... He would finally be free of the torment he was forced to face every damn day... That was all he needed, and he found himself reaching out towards it, the metal handle cold against his hot skin... With a shaky hand, he pressed the deathly sharp medical tool to his throat...

He could do it... He needed to-

_'How the shell could you just abandon us like that!'_ The older version of Mikey's voice rang through his head, making him throw the scalpel across the room before sinking to the ground in fetal position. He couldn't do it... He was forced to suffer...

If he didn't... Then they would...

Don began to rock himself back and forth just like he had the night before.

When would it end?

* * *

**Hey guys! :D **

**sorry its been so long since my last update, i was making chicken wings for the football team in a deep fryer. When pulled the basket out and turned around, i almost walked into someone, so on instinct, i put my hand between us and ended up burning a bunch of criss cross patterns in the palm of my hand.**

**so its been a challenge writing. BUT IM DONE NOW :D **

**YAY!**

**sorry if its depressing :/ but this is how it needs to be :/ **

**bye now **


	8. New Look

**Just some random pop ins.  
in response to Juanita27;**

**-I would like to answer those questions, but all shall be revealed in the later chapters :3 And thank you for the concern, my hand is doing good :)-**

**~And thank you to everyone else who has reviewed :D you guys really put me in a good mood and give me a reason to continue this silly story :D~ **

**Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT, if i did then the 2k3 series would be on, not the 2k12 series. I'd also be married to Donnie 3 :3 **

* * *

"I'm sorry... I just... I need to be alone..." Donnie's broken voice said to them as he left, leaving the rest of the Hamato family in confusion.

None of them knew how to cope with what they had just seen. Not only had Don easily beaten Raph in a training spar, but he had also _attacked _Raph to the point of physical damage. Sure, Raph had also pulled a dirty trick by using Don's wounds against him, but at least he hadn't resembled a savage beast by trying to rip his brother's arm off.

"Raphie? Are you-" Mikey started as he reached forward, his sea green hand gently resting against his mates emerald green skin. However, Raph cut him off.

"What the _shell _was that?!" Raph bellowed as he wrenched himself away from Mikey, completely missing the saddened expression the younger turtle made. "Don _attacked_ me! Don! What the shell!" He raged on, stomping around the dojo mats while the two brothers watched on, both still in a state of shock. Neither of them noticed their father disappear into his room, shutting the door solemnly.

"Raph, calm do-" Leo began, only to be cut off much like Mikey had.

"No. Don't ya _dare_ tell me ta calm down Leo! Ya know Don better than I do, and we both know that he would never hurt us like dat. Not even this new asshole version of him would never even think about hurting us! Never! So why the shell did he!" Raph once again yelled, standing at his full height in an attempt to intimidate the oldest turtle.

"We all loose ourselves sometimes Raph! Maybe he wasn't thinking clearly! Maybe he just lost it! In case you have forgotten, he has had to lead you both for two years! I know from personal experience how much of a chore that can be! So he made a mistake! Give him a damn break!" Leo yelled back, squaring his shoulders and glaring right back a Raph.

"Well ya know what _fearless_, at least i was ACTUALLY HERE! WHERE WERE YOU! Oh yah, you were off being a fu-" Raph was suddenly cut off.

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!" Mikey screamed, drawing both sets of eyes towards him. "Why don't we just let it go! He obviously didn't mean it! And you two bickering about it wont help him! So just knock it off." He growled the last part, his glare flickering back and forth between the two eldest turtles. "Apparently you two were both too _busy_ to notice the pain in his eyes! Now, I'm going to go make him some coffee, because i cant seriously be the only one to see how exhausted he is."

With that, the orange clad turtle stomped off, taking his angry aura with him. All Leo did was watch his youngest brother leave, seeing the corners of Raph's lips pulling downward into a frown out of the corner of his eye. A heavy sigh left Leo's lips as he clenched his eyes shut, the images of Donnie's arms flashing through his normally clear mind. What had Karai and her _dogs_ done to his genius?

Just the thought of them hurting Donnie like that made him clench his fists in anger... He should have been there! He should have gone through that! Not his innocent little genius. The poor turtle had already been through so much... Why him, of all the turtles, why was Donnie always the one to suffer?

The purple branded terrapin had been sent to an alternate future, where he had to watch his brothers die horrible deaths, and then put through an antagonizingly painful second mutation that turned him into an unstoppable killing, raging beast. Donnie was by far the most gentile of all of them, never killing his enemies. Shell, If he had the choice, Donnie would never fight! That's just who he was.

And now... Now he was a tortured soul trapped in a branded body. He had been put through so much, and yet he still remained with his family. He didn't abandon them because he let his demons get the better of him. No, Donnie had stayed with his family to the very end, he always would...

Leo however... He had run away, had hidden from the problems that he had created for himself... The blue branded turtle could remember when he had started seeing Usagi behind Don's back, had started cheating on the quiet turtle. When Usagi had visited with them for Christmas one year, he had admitted to Leo of his intimate feelings for him. At the time, Leo's mind was just starting to submit to the darkness that had lingered there for years, so instead of politely explaining to the Ronin that he was not interested, He had gone right ahead and slept with him.

He couldn't remember what was going through his mind, or what had exactly convinced him that sleeping with someone else was a good idea, but he had done it none the less. From that point forward, he had started secretly starting seeing Usagi, much to the Samarai's annoyance. Eventually, Usagi had turned him away because of Leo's lack of devotion. After that, Leo had even began becoming more forceful with Donnie. At first, the purple branded turtle had thought it was something to spice up their time in the bedroom, but Leo vividly remembered the one night he took it too far.

He remembered the look of horror and pain in those big brown eyes and tears streamed down olive cheeks. But that didn't stop him... He just kept going... Kept thrusting... It was then that he realized how far he had fallen into the demons arms, and when he had decided to leave, to find himself once again...

It had taken a while, but now he finally was free from their curse... Letting him live his life once again. But now, it seemed that instead of terminating those demons, he had just passed them on to the one person he loved the most... And he _hated_ himself for it...

"Leo?" Raph's slightly gruff voice broke through his thoughts, pulling him back to the reality that he so desperately wanted to hide from... To run from...

No, he would see it through this time... He wouldn't run.

Fists still clenched, Leo turned to his Red branded brother, staring at him expectantly.

"Ya Ok?"

"Fine." Leo answered almost immediately.

Everything was silent for a few minutes, Raph seemingly trying to determine whether or not to call Leo's bluff. However, before Raph could say anything, the blaring sound of the perimeter alarm sounded throughout the lair. It only took them a few seconds to make it to the main room, meeting up with a frantic Mikey. The lab door was still locked, keeping them from entering and asking the genius what was going.

Raph was about to bang on the door when it suddenly slid open, a determined and slightly panicked Donatello racing out, bô staff in hand. "We have a few squads of Foot ninja roaming around the sewers, judging by the way they are running around with no clear path, I'm going to take an educated guess and say that they don't know where the lair is yet. What I advise would be to get as far away from the base as possible before drawing their attention and taking this battle to the rooftops." The purple branded genius said, answering all of their questions in one go.

It seemed as though he had forgotten that he had been relieved of his leadership duties. However, this did not bother Leo, for it was a good plan. Except...

"Why don't we just run them out of the sewers and then loose them? there is not point in engaging them in battle if we don't have to." Leo said, making Don halt in his movements. It seems he truly did forget that Leo was there.

"No. Theses are not the foot ninja you are accustomed to Leonardo. They are faster and stronger. We shall not be able to outrun them. I suggest we engage a small group of them before fading into the shadows, that will give us time to escape while the larger groups look over the dead bodies of their comrades." Donnie said coldly, sending a shiver down his spine...

"But... Master Splinter taught to only kill if we need to... We're not supposed to kill..." Mikey was the first to speak up after Don's little speech.

That caught Donnie's attention as his body became stiff, bô clenched tightly in his olive coloured hand. It was then that Leo noticed Donnie was wearing arm wrappings that started around his wounded hands and went all the way up to just below his shoulder. The same kind of wrappings went up his legs and stopped at his mid thigh. Just above his arm wrappings, Leo could see the very pale, thin line across his shoulder. Judging by the darker bruise surrounding it, that was what was beneath the bandages earlier.

"Let's go." Donnie's harsh voice brought him out of his musings, his thin olive green form quickly heading towards the lairs entrance.

With a meaningful glance shared between the three remaining turtles, they headed after their purple branded brother. They each knew that fighting the foot wasn't just about protecting the lair and master splinter for Donnie. It was also about revenge. Revenge for everything they did to him. Those kinds of thoughts could get him killed. So, they had each made a silent promise right there to keep an eye out for him in battle.

What they didn't know, was that something else was also planning on protecting the genius turtle...

* * *

**Hey everybuggy :D **

**sorry for the long wait :/ things been weird. :P **

**anywhore, The idea for Donnie's arm and leg wrappings came from one of my friends ~BossanovaInk~ who drew an adorable picture on deviant art. You cant se his hands, but imagine they are wrapped too because of his wounded knuckles. **

**here's the link if you wanna see what it kinda looks like: **

** art/Sweet-on-You-401710576**


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